Akkalove

These pages were created to share Akka’s journey with those who couldn’t be here.

I found it impossible to capture the profundity, the mundane and the totality of this special time. I am sure that I have not done justice to everyone’s very personal experience, especially that of my family. For that I offer my sincerest apologies and ask your forgiveness.

Thank you to all who took and shared their photos and videos.

Thank you for embarking on this trip!

Addendum: Akka’s beauty and her death renewed my passion for hospice and is the inspiration behind a truly amazing community initiative: The Hospice Hub

late December

Christmas Morning. Nikola, Katarina and Stephan are visiting. Akka is jaundiced and uncomfortable. Stephan takes Akka to Perth Emerg for a check up.    

january

January.  The month of so called “wintery mixes”. Andrew at the wheel in the dark early mornings to Ottawa. Akka is poked and prodded over and over:  CTscan, MRI, endoscopy, biopsy, blood test, another blood test, another endoscopy, another, another….  Itchiness and fatigue become the norm. There are meetings with the doctor, the radiologist, the… Continue reading january

february

The pain comes on suddenly and excruciatingly. Akka has her first emergency visit- first to Perth and then to Ottawa, where she stays for a week.   She endures – beautifully – an NG tube (and becomes “ganesh”). Katarina sends Akka a video of Nikola that uplifts her and makes her chuckle no matter how… Continue reading february

march

“the sailor of this ship is no longer me” Akka’s changing body is concerning; her tummy continues to swell, while the rest of her disappears. Will it explode? Her feet and legs are swollen. She has a fever every evening. On March 8 Wally dies in Toronto. The timing could not have been more difficult.… Continue reading march

april

A couple of good weather days! Akka is on her porch. Her sense of humour is showing up again. She chuckles at being a bag of bones with a pregnant belly. She chuckles at how slow she is speaking. But the pain changes and continues to increase. The fentanyl accordingly gets ramped up. Once again,… Continue reading april

akkalove emails

January 26: akkalove Hello dear friends of Akka, Akka is in quite good spirits and is gracefully going about each day between a myriad of appointments, proddings, tests and sobering prognoses. The tumour is nasty and has chosen a very precarious place in the pancreas to grow making an operation impossible and chronic chemotherapy completely… Continue reading akkalove emails

In Memorium

Please click on these links to see, read and listen to these special events and words honouring dearest Akka. Memorial Service at Tisarana Buddhist Monastery Memorial Gathering at Maberly Town Hall Poetry and Reflections

Poetry by Akka from Lee (Snackamain)

…I went back and looked at Akkas glorious emails and created these poems straight from her writing, with very little editing.  Lisa Cupolo – Bausch

Oiseau at Lake Superior
By Akka Janssen (Lisa Cupolo)

I am that person howling with you at the moon
Yet we couldn't see it, we didn't move one step.

That was you too on those rocks looking out over Superior
taking your clothes off and jumping in.

We're still there, an invisible string,
A straight line connecting us to it,

Think of the thousands of lines connecting us
to every point and every person we've ever been.
(more…)

Oiseau at Lake Superior

From: Andrew Dumbrille <andrew.dumbrille@gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 26, 2017 at 11:08 AM
Subject: always on my mind
To: akka janssen <akkajanssen@gmail.com>

Akka,

You’re not far from my thoughts most moments,

always on my mind.

When the wind blows, a memory dances by of you

When the light on the creek shines, an image of you comes to mind

When a bird song catches my ear, a thought of you appears.

You’re always on my mind

love

Andrew

always on my mind